The hand reaches up and crumbles,

into a million pieces it crumbles,

into a billion shards it shatters,

like disintegrating stone it erodes,

like broken glass it breaks,

We thought it was hard,

but infact it was frail, delicate, and so fragile.

I thought it was igneous,

rising from the hot core of the earth,

first hot, red hot with heat,

chemical reactions,

with effort, it will harden into forms that are unbroken.

Took a pick and hammer,

tapped on the surface,

and there it came.

All the sediment, all the dust.

It was all sedimentary,

so fragile and so soft.

The fatal acid rain that falls,

that pours and flows,

unstoppable once it starts.

Somebody stop it,

Stop it before it crumbles away,

back into dust

back into the air,

back into the nothingness

where it all came from.

because after all, in the end, all we are is dust in the wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind~~

                                                                    (turtle)

I wish we could open our eyes
To see in all directions at the same time
Oh what a beautiful view
If you were never aware of what was around you
And it is true what you said
That I live like a hermit in my own head
But when the sun shines again
I'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in.

yabai yabai. kuruuu.

sanity is one fucking step away from insanity.

yup.

mara's teaching me how to develop phoooootos!! mara's lending me her caaaaaamera!!  I'm actually singing this in my head as I write... its a shame I can't share this melody with anybody. aaa well.

anyways.. I find that these days I have too many things that I want to do. dammit... so i've decided to prioritize a little and concentrate on the things that I have to do now and leave what I can do later until... uh... later. yea. yep. so no basketball for awhile. will concentrate on x-country. then next season... im all bball.

Above all.... I need to snap myself out of all this slacking and procrastinating on my work... come to think of it... in all aspects of my life.

yep.

so i started xanga in hope of being able to keep in touch with ppl who i dont get to see very often.. but i have successfully failed myself. typical.

anyways this is really weird, but the knowledge that people are most probably NOT going to read what i am writing, now that they most likely think this page doesnt exist, actually made me want to enter something. So why do i write when i dont want people reading it? I dont know. I guess deep down im also hoping somebody will read this and judge me but just never tell me what they think of this shit, because frankly, i dont want to know what they think of what I think or do. blehh these sentences are long and sooo badly constructed. w/e.

I want to run off. run to where i dont have a clue where I am or how I got there. Somewhere where I'll be so lost that in the end I dont even worry about how to get back. The only thing I'll ever worry about is what I'll eat, and do, in order to eat that day. The rest of the time, I'll just relax and see what's in stall for me and just be totally committed to what's going on in my head and not be disturbed by other people's prescences because nobody knows me there anyways. They'll just aaaaaall leave me alone, alone to think and wonder and dream and imagine and remember and feel.